Perfectly Flawed — How to Appreciate Your Uniqueness
10 tools to find radical self-acceptance
It took me years to accept myself without cringing or obsessing over perceived flaws and imperfections. I’d compare myself to other people and think i’m not tall enough, too quiet, too sensitive, my hair’s not right, I should have chosen that degree over this one.
And the list went on and on.
It was debilitating at the time because my focus was always on the brilliance of other people and what’s wrong with me in comparison.
It prevented me from meeting life head on.
But over time I began to see my ‘imperfections’ weren’t really flaws at all, rather individual differences and I’d been comparing myself with people who were no better or worse than I was. I learnt that our idiosyncrasies and traits make us who we are.
When I realised that, it was such a weight off. I started to really like myself — ‘warts and all’.
These days, I don’t waste a second worrying about imperfections — and this has made all the difference.
On this journey to accepting myself, I used 10 proven techniques (see below) that helped me reframe ‘flaws’ to strengths and unique characteristics.
Impact of social media on self-evaluation
Social media helps us stay connected to people, and social connection has a positive impact on our self-worth and well-being.
But on the flip side, it can be associated with lower self-esteem if we use it mainly to validate ourselves via the number of likes or followers we get.
Let’s be honest, in today’s digitised meta-verse, it’s pretty easy to get sucked into comparing ourselves with images of perfect people online and obsessing over whether we measure up.
The images, posts, articles and messages we consume every day can set a standard for how we should behave or look and then impact how we view ourselves.
But comparing ourselves to other people isn’t all negative though.
Comparisons are ok — it’s what we all do
It’s in our DNA to compare ourselves to people in our wider social group — so we felt accepted and part of the group. To survive thousands of years ago, it was a whole lot safer to be in a group than kicked out of one for not playing by the rules (who wants to fend off a pack of hungry lions by themselves, right?).
So given that we are hard-wired to follow social rules and compare ourselves to others, it’s understandable that what we consume online could easily turn into yet another comparison yardstick we try to reach for.
It’s actually an opportunity to strengthen our awareness of and appreciation for what makes us different from the rest.
It’s your lane — own it
I’ve learnt through my work with many people, that every single one of us is unique and we all have our own individual strengths, qualities and experiences.
Even in large families no two people are the same (excluding identical twins!).
What you might think is wrong about you, might be exactly what the world needs, or the key thing that sets you apart from everyone else.
So while you check people on socials, think: That’s cool, but it’s their jam. I’m in my own lane over here and I’m doing just fine.
People who turned challenges into success
There are so many examples of people using their ‘flaws’ to create something unique for the world.
Steven Hawking — Despite being diagnosed with a rare form of motor neuron disease (ALS) that left him almost entirely paralysed, Hawking continued to contribute significantly to the field of theoretical physics. His resilience and determination to overcome his disability made him an inspiration to millions.
Oprah Winfrey — Winfrey has spoken openly about her difficult childhood, which included poverty and abuse. She used these experiences to fuel her empathy and compassion, becoming a successful talk show host and media mogul, as well as a philanthropist.
Richard Branson — Branson struggled with dyslexia all his life, which affected his performance in school and caused him to drop out early. But he was always creative and saw the world differently. He used his entrepreneurial spirit and innovative thinking to build the Virgin Group, a global conglomerate of more than 400 companies.
I 100% believe that using our strengths and individual differences is key to success and living a fulfilling and authentic life.
It took me a while to reach the point of feeling ok with who I am. It required self-reflection and self-awareness. But the journey was worth it.
Ten proven tools to help you appreciate your uniqueness
These 10 tools have helped me focus on my strengths (rather than perceived ‘flaws’) and feel more self-acceptance. Doing this will free up your energy so you can focus on the important things in your life.
Let me know what you think about them, in the comments or if you have other techniques that have worked for you. I’d love to hear about them.
1. Self-awareness (get to know yourself)
Get to know what you’re passion about, what your strengths are, your current skills and what things you value. If you don’t know, ask close trusted friends.
I put time aside each weekend for a month to just do self-reflection work. I googled some free templates (there are plenty out there — but let me know in the comments if you’d like to see the ones I used personally, and I’ll email them to you).
Consider what makes you feel alive and what things sets you apart from others. Think about the positive appraisals you’ve received from work or people close to you. They can sometimes be a clue to your strengths.
Also, consider where you need to develop. List them all down with ideas on how you can achieve those things.
By understanding who you are at your core, you’ll begin to cultivate a deeper appreciation for your individuality.
2. Journal writing
Journaling has been my number one go-to technique for years, because it helps me set the vibe for the day. You can use it in one of two ways:
- To write positive statements over and over until you feel your emotions improving, or
2. To debrief about situations, write your current feelings out, explore difficult topics or experiences. This helps you reflect and understand your reactions and responses to life.
I journal every morning in an online journal and write pure positive thoughts for about 20 minutes.
It’s amazing how great I feel in a short time.
When you journal everyday you gather a LOT of data which is a great way of tracking patterns — emotional or situational and is a way to shed light on your inner world.
3. Positive affirmations
Develop a habit of repeating positive statements or affirmations to yourself that focus on your strengths, accomplishments, and worthiness. This can help reprogram your thoughts and build self-appreciation.
These are some of my favourites and they are straight from Louise Hay’s beautiful book called The Present Moment:
· Everything I touch is a success. I draw prosperity of every kind to me.
· I am organised and productive. I am energetic, and I enjoy getting my life in order.
· Within myself I see a loving, beautiful being. It is safe for me to look within.
· I am free to be me.
It’s fun to open the book randomly and let the universe choose for you.
4. Celebrate your successes (even if they are tiny)
Be your own cheer squad. Cheer yourself on and acknowledge your achievements, both big and small.
When I started being my own cheerleader, I noticed a massive difference in how I felt about myself.
It encourages you to seek out the good things rather than going into negative autopilot thinking!
So, whether you completed a personal project, got up 30 minutes earlier, went for a walk or run, received a promotion at work, smashed a fear, celebrating your successes will pivot you toward recognising your capabilities and the qualities that make you unique.
5. Visualization
Visualization is one of the most powerful tools for achieving your goals and cultivating positive emotions there is. If you are interested in visualisation, see my story about how to conjure positive emotions. I explain the benefits and the how-to in there. I used this technique to ease my nerves about a job interview. I recreated the scene I wanted to experience in the vision, and (this is the important part) the positive emotions I wanted to feel during and after the interview. I smashed the interview and won the job and I know that visualising the outcome in this way was key to the successful outcome.
Visualisation involves imagining yourself in a positive situation, feeling positive emotions either associated with that situation or ones you conjure yourself and then just chill (that is, allow don’t force things to happen). Visualisation can help you appreciate your uniqueness by imagining yourself in a positive light.
6. Surround yourself with supportive people — ditch the negative ones
The company you keep has a significant impact on your self-perception. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive individuals encourages you to accept yourself as you are. This is largely because your ‘people’ are accepting you and embracing your uniqueness. Although it’s always best that our sense of self-worth comes from inside us, having our supportive peeps help us feel more connected, safe and loved. Seek out people who appreciate you for who you are and help you grow, is my advice.
7. Practice gratitude
Gratitude supercharges this work. It’s a powerful tool for cultivating a deeper appreciation of yourself and life.
I notice when I feel appreciation, regardless of what I’m appreciating, I always feel an improved emotional state.
You can make it part of your journaling process, or just start noticing things you like and saying ‘hey, loved that, thanks’ to yourself.
Make it a daily practice to list the things you’re thankful for, including your strengths, passions, and accomplishments.
8. Practice being kind to yourself — hour by hour
I trained myself to notice my negative inner talk during each day.
I set an early morning intention to notice the inner talk for one hour a day at first. Even noticing it, stops it in its tracks. I extended it for two hours and gradually the whole day. When you place awareness on the inner self talk, it usually stops. If it doesn’t, use positive statements to drown it out. It should eventually lessen.
Make an effort to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just like you (hopefully!) do with your friends.
9. Challenge social norms and expectations
This one might not suit everyone, but if you are a social justice warrior and like to fight the good fight like me you’ll resonate with it.
We spoke before about social media aka — online social norms via social media unconsciously dictating how we should act, think, and appear. It can stifle people’s individuality. If you are bugged by these norms and standards, challenge them.
You can do that through your writing, through artwork or other creative pursuits and by sticking by your own personal values and beliefs. Key takeaway is — don’t be afraid to stand out and express yourself authentically, regardless of what others may think. Think Kate Winslet.
10. Try new things
Trying new things and stepping out of your comfort zone can help you discover hidden talents, passions, and interests or fine tune current ones. These experiences not only contribute to personal growth but also help you gain a better understanding of what makes you different. Embrace new opportunities and be open to exploring different aspects of your personality.
Appreciating your uniqueness is transformative. By reframing how you perceive your “flaws” and using the techniques described, such as self-compassion, visualization, and gratitude, you can learn to accept yourself for who you are. It’s important to remember that no one is perfect, and striving for perfection only leads to disappointment and frustration. By embracing your uniqueness, you can cultivate a sense of self-love and acceptance, which will ultimately lead to a happier and more fulfilling life. Oh, and by the way, flaws are so yesterday. They don’t even exist in my world anymore. Flaws often equal unique qualities.
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